February, 2010 "One Golden Doorknob"

Without a horizon line,
No place to start or end.
Blurring together
A waste of time.

A black hole of nonsense,
When will I wake up on the other side?
There is no other side.
Sense, no sense, nonsense.
Please tell me you feel something,
Anything.

I can't quiet my head,
Tortured.
Nothing to look forward to
I have only dread.

Walking in total darkness
I prefer it to revealing light.
Numb cold tempered with burning eyes,
An unfinished sentence confused by lies.
Clouds take control.
I'm the shit you left behind.

Sunset and another wasted day,
I'm dying.
I'm done.
You ripped out my other half
And pretend games force us to play.

Clenching my tears and gnawing my teeth.
With you I'm freedom,
Without you I'm buried underneath
Your curls, your voice, British accents, that place,
Incense, the Element,
The things I can't erase.

May 9, 2009 "An Attempt to Describe"

I have lost all reason
With craziness and lack of sleep.
Grass-stained clothing, melting my fears away.
Your voice still ringing in my ears,
A melody.
Spinning around close to the earth,
I'm dizzy.
You're the gravity that forces me to stumble.
Falling faster, memory slips.
Words and feelings blur
Like the meditation of whispers.
You make me beautiful.

We were born with the same mind.
"I know exactly what you mean."
No need to translate
Or trouble with things unworthy.
We know the definition but not the word.

Burt's Bees on my lips and your hand over my heart,
I couldn't be more satisfied.
I take my chance to stare into your eyes.
Pools of dark autumn knowledge,
I wish I knew your every thought.

Candles lit under lightning stricken sky
And your mouth to mine.
Creamier than strawberries,
I want every part of you.
Your embrace and I'm
Under your spell.
Locked up in the tallest tower,
Please let me wake wth you.

Our fingers aligning,
Taking in the same breath.
This madness we've created.
Intoxicating.

Three

There's no way to reverse the progress.
A death accepted
By millions of those.
The same as me,
Looking desperately for answers
In soul-less eyes.
Confined by the grasp,
The gravity.
Carelessly involved.

Pressing my cheek onto the roughness
Pushing hard.
With fits and shakes,
Captivated by its hold on me.
Nothing to be proud of.

Terrorized by a spotlight,
An inspection of flaws.
Arches like a mirror,
Please let go!
Your relentless investigation.

Should I continue on this path,
Winding straight into depths unknown?
In doing so, becoming more aware
Of the cliff from which I hang
Helplessly.
This parody I'm daily living.

Curiously turning
The same rocks I have always known.
Something brilliant waiting to be shown?
A description barely surfacing
From my headached perspective
Of the canyon below.

...

"I am sick with wanting and it's evil and it's daunting
How I let everything I cherish lay to waste
I am lost in greed, this time it's definitely me
I point fingers but there's no one there to blame

A need for something, now let me break it down again
A need for something but not more medicine

I am sick of wanting and it's evil how it's got me
And every day is worse than the one before
The more I have the more I think I'm almost where I need to be
If only I could get a little more

A need for something, now let me break it down again
A need for something but not more medicine

Something has me, oh something has me
Acting like someone I don't wanna be
Something has me, oh something has me
Acting like someone I know isn't me
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed

Temporary is my time, ain't nothing on this world that's mine
Except the will I found to carry on
Free is not your right to chose
It's answering what's asked of you
To give the love you find until it's gone

A need for something, now let me break it down again
A need for something but not more medicine

Something has me, oh something has me
Acting like someone I don't wanna be
Something has me, oh something has me
Acting like someone I know isn't me
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed"
-AB

Two

Fulfilment is a computer screen,
A mechanical monster.
Inconsistent irrelevant woes as I stand up.
Walking out of doors, the steps I take
Drowned by crushed leaves,
Decaying matter.
Unconscious.

The classroom is calling.
It's altogether a sorry thing,
An envelope of dead weight.
My shoulders collapsing underneath.
Pacing.

In vain the organic truth like a meadow
Tainted with plastic.
Wrapping myself inside until I feel
The hesitant breathing I myself can produce.
An experiment to show me
I'm alive.

"Tonight I'll burn the lyrics
Cause every chorus was your name." -AB

One

Categorizing each mechanical step, I wait.
Wanting to decide, careful I don't break out of the
Time ticking,
Step making.

Entertaining the idea but caught up in the
Stress taking
It's hold of me and now I'm
Terrible churning,
Over and over the habit takes control.

A blank canvas
Road blocking my design.

Elements of fundamental chaos,
Heart pumping
Out of my chest.
Nerves constricting,
The blood in my body.

I want to be outside of the lines.



"Break this tired old routine
And this time don't make me leave.
I am a breathing time machine." -Avett Brothers

Environmental Apathy

One thing about American life as a whole that, as I learn more and more, truly surprises me is the lack of concern or knowledge about our food. Nourishment is such a basic human need that has been necessary since ancient times, but it seems like our society no longer respects its importance. Yes, there are plenty of food services and availability is great in the United States, due to our diverse growing and production capabilities. Still, the apathy of the average American about where and how their Thanksgiving dinner gets to the table is unfortunate. As long as we are fed, and fed to our heart’s desires, it is of no consequence the impact or the environmental costs of the food we eat. Almost anyone can go to McDonald’s and pick up a hamburger for a dirt cheap price without even considering where the cow was grown, how it was handled, or what the degradation of the land is causing for the environment. Concern runs thin in our society, because there is disconnect between us and our food.

The Native Americans had a different outlook and way of life; animals were sacred and food production was sustainable. Even with their slash and burn techniques of agriculture and their methods of driving buffalo off cliffs in order to eat them, they knew how to give genuine interest to their environment. They would use every part of the animals they killed and give ceremonial recognition and praise to the gods for their kills and harvests. With agriculture, growing would take place in one area over a period of time and then they would move on to another area to let the land grow back again naturally. It wasn’t until the colonists came that the Native Americans put their sustainability on standstill because they were pressured to obtain weapons in exchange for agriculture and animals. The buffalo nearly became extinct because the attitudes of the Natives changed under exploitation and competition from the Europeans.

One could argue that, because the fact that their population was drastically lower than ours today, comparisons cannot be reasonable made. Or one could argue that technology has made life increasingly better and also is necessary to feed our large population in the United States. The missing link from these arguments is the notion that mass production of cheap, easily accessible food is the correct way of life. Everyone, including me, would love to pay as little as possible to obtain our fill in resources, but external costs of production and costs that will come back to devastate us in the future are not accounted for. Maybe the population is supposed to grow exponentially, but I am a big believer in natural selection as nature intended. Technology is the main enterprise that prevents nature from running its regular and sustainable course. The truth of society is that we don’t want lack of resources to limit us or cause people to die from lack of food. While it would be a bit unreasonable for us to imagine a world in which people are starving, while others are over-indulging, in order for our population to fully realize its carrying capacity, it is the raw truth of being a product of nature.

As a Vegan, I do realize the impact that mass, unsustainable food production has on our society. I am especially sensitive to the exploitation of the beautiful resources that God gave us in nature, such as the slaughtering and maltreatment of cattle and other animals that are grown solely for their benefits to us. These animals are mistreated and our societal ways are most certainly corrupt. For example, even the new ‘’green’’ innovations being advertised in recent decades with the so-called free-range chicken or grass-fed beef found in some whole foods stores, there is no way to truly prove that the animals weren’t mistreated and there is certainly no guarantee that the environment was not irreversibly harmed. Fact is, is that today 90% of pollution comes from livestock production; it is in the news, but few are responding to the desperate cry for help. Americans just don’t want to give up their good lifestyle when it seems like no negativities are set in stone today. Back when everyone lived on a farm and took care of their own animals, there was a real connection between man and his food. There is no way that a farmer back then would overwork or underfeed his livestock; they were his life and his full attention was given to them. Sustainability has, over time, sold its soul to big business. No matter what the real truth or the best way to live on earth is, technology has always been trusted to provide the perfect answer to our problems. But what will happen when we start seeing what our careless lifestyles are actually producing for the world we live in?


''I see a sea anemone
The enemy
See a sea anemone
And that'll be the end of me.

While the vicious fish was caught unawares
In the tenderest of tendrils
Underneath her tender gills

I will become this animal
Perfectly adapted to the music halls
I will become this animal
Anomalous appendages
A non-animal

Hold on just a second
Don't tell me this one you know
I know this one I know this song
I know this one I love this song
Hold on just a second
Don't tell me this one you know
I know this one I know this song
I know this one I love this song
I know this one

Underneath the stalactites
The troglobites lost their sight
Uh oh

The seemingly innocuous plecostomus
Though posthumous
They talk to us
They talk too much

See a sea anemone
The enemy
See a sea anemone
That'll be the end of me
Vicious fish was caught unawares
In the tend'rest tendrils
Underneath her tender gills and

I will become this animal
Perfectly adapted to a music hall
I will become this animal

Anomalous appendages
A non-animal''

-Andrew Bird